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How My World
Changed
Looking at my history,
today through much clearer eyes, I can
see the mistakes I have made.
As a new Christian and a
recovering alcoholic, I have left the
old battles behind and now face some
even greater challenges.
First, a little about my
past: Growing up I was raised in a
very secular household by parents who
both drank rather heavily. I am
not saying my childhood was bad; my
parents were mostly there, they were as
loving as they could be and they tried
their best to instill a pretty good
system of morals and values into my
life. I learned a lot of good
things but I also learned some fairly
destructive behaviors. One thing
of note; there was no God in our home
when I was growing up.
My alcoholism took off
in my early teen years. At first
it was social and fun. Soon,
however, consequences started to occur
in my life. I found myself
struggling, daily, with alcohol.
It got to the point where I could not
work, my friends and family wanted
nothing to do with me and I was
suffering from a physical, mental and
spiritual addiction...I could not stop
drinking. My future looked very
dark and short.
As I sunk deeper and
deeper I let more damage, sin and misery
into my life. I became degenerate,
criminal, homeless and insane.
I was in very poor
health and all alone. The end was
near and I welcomed
it.
My mother cried all the time.
Hospital stays, jail
time, detoxes, asylums and rehabs only
helped to slow the process of my decline
into complete, abject and hopeless'
wretchedness. There was no
treatment, cure or solution to my
sickness. The worst thing was that
I did not care...about anything. I
was dying, hopefully soon.
I believed, now, that
throughout my whole life God was
present, always. Sometimes He
nudged, sometimes He carried me and
sometimes He yelled out loud to me.
I always chose to ignore Him. I
paid the price.
My life started, again,
on March 13, 2004 (ironically my
mothers' birthday.) I was at my
wits end; struggling, suicidal,
destitute, and scared. This is
when I allowed God to enter my life and
this time I heard Him! He spoke to
me and I listened. He told me He
was not happy with how I had been living
my life. He said He had a
solution for me. "Let Me run your
life for you", "Let Me guide you and
show you the true and straight path."
I decided, that day, to listen.
Two days later He directed me to The
American Rescue Workers, DC Corps in
Capitol Heights, Maryland; a nine month
Christian rehabilitation program for men
with life and spiritual problems who are
also battling with addiction. He
told me He had work He wanted me to do,
but first I must let Him work on me.
He wanted me to do some deep soul
searching, some evaluation; He wanted me
to let Him change everything about
myself. He guided me though this
heavy duty, deep, meaningful program,
even though it was trying at times.
This program was all about finding God
and learning His word. I made a
choice to give myself to God, to be
reborn through Him, to confess all my
sins to Him, to pray and meditate to Him
and to always be thankful for Him.
I learned how to follow his word and His
teaching and to welcome His love and His
wisdom into every aspect of my life.
I haven't been a perfect
Christian, far from it sometimes, but I
am doing my best to change and to do His
will on a daily basis. I hope and
pray God is happy with me and my
progress thus far, but I know He wants
more.... and you know what...I happily
want to give him more.
Today I'm happy (most of
the time), confident, health, employed
and loved. Today I know that's all
I really need. I also try to be
helpful to others. The
evidence is there, twenty months ago I
gave myself to God and here I sit with a
much better life; better than I could
have ever imagined. I can't wait
to see what tomorrow holds for me.
My one piece of advice is this:
Don't quit before the miracle happens.
God is in the miracle business. Oh
and by the way, my mother still cry's,
but their tears of joy.
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